Moving Through the Deconditioning and Alignment Process
The process of aligning with your path and purpose
The challenges that may arise from friends and family
Stepping into the unfamiliar and out of the comfortable
Knowing what is serving you and knowing what is not
The process from looking back, to being present, to preempting and staying grounded into the future
Finding inner trust during the alignment process
Rewriting inner narratives
Acts of self-rebellion to break your patterns
Trusting in Strategy and Authority as your process
Moving through the deconditioning and alignment process. Now - im going to give you a heads up that this is a big one. There is a lot within this which I hope will help you - as you align, whether you are completely new to this, or very well versed and have been experimenting for years. I hope there are take away things for all of you.
So lets begin.
Now, There comes a time in most people’s lives where you are facing a cross-roads decision about who you are and where you want to go.
This happens because we tend to live on auto-pilot until it becomes too much. That auto-pilot is filled with the default options and routes to take in life.
They are programmed into our subconscious from birth. Everything around you including where you were born, how many siblings you had, what your parents or care givers believe based on their life experiences, the news stories that came out, the school that you were told to go to, the vacations you did or didn’t go on, the way in which people treated you, the things which you observed, the television programmes you watched, the social media you are currently consuming, the food you eat, the food your family and friends eat, the groups of people you end up being friends with, the beliefs of people around you, whether or not they do exercise.
And so on.
And these are just the ones you had while growing up. Then you had the ones from your adult life. What job you got into, your colleagues beliefs, how your boss treats you, your living conditions, the political conditions, what people tell you about money… and so on, again.
We are programmed in our mind. We are programmed through other people’s frequencies. We are programmed through our learnt responses which affect our nervous system. And, even on a science level, we are picking up physical cues and information in the sweat and micro particles which are communicating with each other.
No matter which modality or system you choose - whether science or spiritual - you will see that we are more than just ‘us’. We are influenced and affected by so many things in micro micro levels.
This is all our nuture - and then we have our NATURE.
The genes we have. Our predispositions. Our height, our eye colour, our skin colour. Any illnesses or disabilities.
There is a lot that makes us who we are. And how people treat us.
But there becomes a point in most people’s lives when the defaults and the subconscious actions and reactions become SO uncomfortable that you are forced to look inwards and make new decisions.
You are forced to build your own path because the one you have been walking doesn’t fit.
The choice is - Do I carry on with what I am doing? Or do I change my path?
And the thing with this choice - it becomes harder to continue with the path you were on because you are now aware that it doesn’t fit.
Before this moment of awareness - you COULD carry on.
So the question is actually an illusion. The question isn’t do I stay or go?
It is - WHEN do I change things?
Now - let me reiterate here. It doesn’t mean you have to burn things down without giving the people around you a chance to catch up with the inner change that is happening within you.
It doesn’t mean that your marriage HAS to end. It doesn’t mean that you HAVE to quit your job or you HAVE to move country.
But it does mean your inner landscape needs to change to accommodate your new awareness.
It does mean that you are about to discover new parts of who you are. - and you don’t know who that person is you are about to find.
You don’t know what you will need - who you will need - or what awaits you 2 months into this journey or 6 months into this journey or a year into this journey.
You definitely do not know how people around you will respond to these changes. I’m sure your mind has predicted. However this prediction is not fact. This is chaos theory - we cannot, by any means, predict for certainty what someone else will do when we change.
It can also become a self fulfilling prophecy.
If you think, “my partner will not love me if I do xyz”, you are going to be looking out for clues to say that your partner doesn’t love you when you do xyz. Your mind looks out for confirmation. Your mind wants to feel safe that it can predict what happens next - so it will look for anything to confirm that it was correct.
It’s also on the look out to keep you safe. it is wired to spot threats. This is an evolutionary feature. And while we have at our core - key threats - most of our mind threats are learnt and are actually not threats at all. They are triggers which are the opposite of “glimmers’ which are signs that we are safe.
This is partly why working with the mind during these “awakenings” is important. Because the mind holds much of the discomfort. Once we can expand what the mind is capable of seeing and once we can say to the mind - “this belief is not helping you” - everything changes.
A once difficult situation, is no longer difficult.
A once triggering situation, is no longer triggering.
A once irritating situation, is no longer irritating.
And so on.
The world doesn’t need to change for you to feel at peace with who you are. Your mind needs to. It’s about the tools and techniques you can gather. It’s about the perspective shifts you allow yourself.
SO
You get to this point where you are aware of your uncomfortability with your own life.
When you are aware of the uncomfortability in your own body.
This is when you look at your past decisions and wonder - why.
You look at your current life and wonder - how did I get here? Was I asleep?
In human design, we have four signposts - one for each energy type. They are our signpost to say something is wrong. Especially if you spend all or most of your time in this theme.
If you are a generator - your sign post is the feeling of frustration. Are you mostly or always in the feeling of frustration? Are you frustrated and tired and bored and uninspired? Do the people around you frustrate you? Does your job frustrate you?
If you are a projector - your sign post is the feeling of bitterness. Are you mostly or always in the feeling of bitterness? Are you irritated and bitter that people don’t understand you? Are you exhausted by life? Are you burnt out? Are you trying to keep up with everyone around you? Do you feel unrecognised by your partner, family, friends?
If you are a manifestor - your sign post is the feeling of anger. Are you mostly or always in the feeling of anger? Do you feel angry that people are getting in your way? Do you feel exhausted because you are trying to do too much?
If you are a reflector - your sign post is the feeling of disappointment. Are you mostly or always in the feeling of disappointment? Does life feel predictable to you? Do people feel predictable to you? Do things feel same-y?
If you are currently trying to work out if you need a change in your life… If you are trying to work out if you are not in alignment with your true path…
These are the feelings I want you to feel into.
They are your signposts to say that you are off track.
And the world is full of people who are frustrated, angry, disappointed and bitter. This is the nature of the world when people operate in a default way. When people are operating out of auto-pilot.
You may have been told by the people around you - “well, that’s life” “you’re going to be disappointed” “you’re not going to like your job”
Feel into those narratives now.
What are the narratives that are keeping you in those feelings? What are the narratives that make it OK for you to be feeling those feelings? What are the narratives that make you feel that this is normal and there is nothing better out there? That there isn’t a better way or a different way?
I know you know that these narratives do not match with how you are feeling. Because when you go through a life changing situation and you become aware of your discomfort, and aware of yourself… even though it can feel hopeless in many moments while you move through your growth - you have an inner knowing that there is something else out there.
There’s a little ember of light there.
So let’s fan that light.
With regards to path and purpose - everyone does have a path which is best suited to them.
In human design, we can look at your incarnation cross, your profile, your gates, channels and centres. You can also see it through your trajectory and nodes. We can identify what your purpose is and then align you through strategy and authority.
From a spiritual perspective…
It’s not as simple as one path - it’s actually a resonance which could be several things along that same frequency.
You will enter into experiences which resonate with where you are at in any given time of your journey. There is no wrong or right. That is the journey. It’s just about picking a path that resonates and moves you into alignment through the lessons that you learn. It is about participation.
I want to talk about aligned paths and comfort levels. I have four categories that I have learnt from my own life and watching others around me.
We have those paths which are unaligned and uncomfortable. This is where change happens. This is my first category.
You will feel uncomfortable being there and you can feel the resonance is off. This is often rockbottom. This is the change point. You’ve come off path and there isn’t anything in there which is creating a false sense of comfort.
You are unaligned and uncomfortable.
The second category is something which is unaligned but feels comfortable. There is a false sense of - perhaps this is for me.
This is like being in the wrong relationship with the nicest person ever.
You can feel super super comfortable and happy. Everything can be completely fine. Yet - you feel the alignment isn’t there. You aren’t being you. To be in this situation, you are moulding - you are keeping yourself contained.
This can be the same thing in a job, or a friendship or a living arrangement - this is just an analogy.
You are unaligned but comfortable. This is where change doesn’t really occur because you are fine where you are… until you become uncomfortable and move into the first category where you then decide to make a change.
Next comes the aligned categories.
For me, the third category is aligned and uncomfortable.
THIS is where many people go backwards into unaligned and comfortable - the second category I was talking about. And they go back to that because they feel they have made the wrong move. They feel that the grass wasn’t greener.
I want you to know, not every aligned situation is going to feel comfortable. Alignment isn’t comfortable. Even when you are “Aligned”, not every experience is comfortable.
Alignment doesn’t lead you to sunshine and rainbows. But it doesn’t mean it is wrong or unaligned for you.
The difference with this category is that there is a different undertone.
Although you are uncomfortable, there is an undertone of… “but this is right”. And it’s not a narrative - it’s not a story. It is an energy. An energy which has no words. Which cannot be explained.
It’s like building a purpose-led company which you are aligned with, but it’s hard. The journey is challenging.
It’s like entering into a relationship with someone whose healthy for you, but you are triggered all throughout the early stages because of your past.
The uncomfortability is our work. This is where we do our inner work. This is where we set boundaries. This is where we learn.
Finally, there’s aligned and comfortable. And this is what everyone is aiming for.
However - I want to note that this isn’t a sustained place. It’s also no better than the third category - aligned and uncomfortable.
I want you to know that it’s not linear. This isn’t a process or a stepping stone order.
Even the most aligned person will get themselves into situations sometimes which are unaligned and uncomfortable.
The difference is, - once you do the inner work - it’s very hard to sustain those unaligned categories for very long.
You bounce back into alignment much quicker because you are used to the frequency of them.
You become a connoisseur of aligned energy and you can spot it much quicker.
But the forth category for me - as I say - is aligned and comfortable. This is pretty blissful. But we dont learn here.
Ok - I want to talk about the alignment process and what that actually means.
The first step of the alignment process is the “awakening moment” - I know that might sound a little cliche.
However - until you are aware of your own uncomfortability - until you are uncomfortable ENOUGH - there is nothing that can externally decide for you to awaken or align. There is no amount of someone telling you that you need to change.
This is why “awakenings’ are often rock bottoms. They are moments where you are uncomfortable and unaligned. This is when you tried to make do - make the best of things - keep going - not let people down - put others first and yourself last - burn yourself out - keep chasing goals - try to build the aesthetically pleasing life. Etc.
Awakenings can happen at any moment.
Often they are triggered by something on top of your normal life.
This is why many people go through awakenings after a life changing injury, or a huge break up, or after the death of a loved one.
Some of you will need more than one of these at the same time to throw you off balance. Many of you will be ok with the odd thing wrong. But if they all happen at once, that’s when you listen. And that is how the universe does it.
I know for myself, this wasn’t at the beginning of my alignment journey - but definitely part of it. I had multiple things happen at the same time. I had a health scare, my mum had a health scare, I had a very messy break up with someone I was living overseas with, my nan was on end of life care at home and eventually passed, my parents split up, I moved house and country…
This is what it took to knock me off balance at this stage in my journey.
This actually signified the start of my Saturn return. Saturn return is what happens around 28/29 years old and it aims to get you back on track with what you are here to do.
SO - you have an awakening moment. In that moment, you can feel isolated and alone. You can feel no one understands you. You can not know what you need or what to do next.
This is uncomfortable.
This is also your discovery moment. This is where you start searching for… something. You’re not sure what. But you are searching.
You are having new conversations. You are speaking to different people in new ways.
You are looking at sessions to book with therapists or practitioners in different modalities.
You’re looking for likeminded people.
You are learning to put yourself in new situations which you aren’t comfortable in. Because you are already so uncomfortable in your current situation.
You are learning to feel comfortable in the uncomfortable.
Your world is slowly starting to expand - even if it doesn’t feel like it.
It might not feel like it because it can happen in tiny tiny steps.
One day you realise by looking backwards as to how far you have come.
During this part of aligning, the majority of it will happen in new spaces you haven’t been to before. It will happen with people you have never spoken to before.
It tends not to happen with the people in your family or your close friends.
Why?
Because your current situation is what is not aligned. Your current situation is formed off of your past decisions. And your past cannot get you to your future.
You may find yourself trying to bring the current people around you - your partner, friends, family… etc. - along for the ride with you. But it’s not their ride.
Your current people and situation cannot create your future.
This doesn’t mean you have to get rid of them from your life. But it does mean that you have to look outside of what you currently have in order for you to grow and change which is what the awakening moment is calling for. It’s what your awareness and inner knowing is calling for.
So - you are going to feel alone - for a little while. But there are likeminded people out there for you. When you allow yourself to be more you, you will find those people automatically because we attract similar.
SO - my advice to you is to help yourself by aligning outside of your familiar world. Integration of the two worlds is what happens when you become more secure in who your new self is. And that takes time. The previous people can keep you repeating the same situation or lead you away from change. They love you. They know you only as the person you are now. But this is where YOU need to love you, and you need to step outside, into new situations for a while.
Now - alignment requires an intuitive knowing of energy. It requires you to know yourself.
But this also means we have to know what isn’t us.
We have to be able to work out what is our mind talking to us, and what is our intuition talking to us.
At the beginning of an alignment process, usually, it starts off as a logical process. The mind has to be onboard with what is happening.
A lot of the work is equipping your mind with new tools so that you can surrender and allow the new to come in.
In human design - we call this the deconditioning process. We bring awareness to the current narratives and conditioning of the mind.
We help you become aware of why and how your mind is talking to you.
We can show you which narratives are serving you and which ones aren’t.
Deconditioning is drawing the mind awareness to the things which are not you so you can unlearn the things you have been told and make way for your unique, true essence to come out.
In a chart session, we pin point these for you. We also do this in the Living Your Design workshop which is coming soon to Odyssey.
If you want to look yourself, the clues are in your white, undefined centres. They each hold thematics. That is what we explore.
Once you are aware of your mind chatter. You can start to stop it having an impact in your decisions. You can start to experiment with new, conscious decision.
Interestingly, I have found a process to the deconditioning process too.
When you become aware of how your mind works. Once you become aware of your patterns. You don’t automatically make new decisions.
Some people try to move through this phase way too quickly.
When you become aware of your patterns, the first step is to start noticing things looking backward.
As you move through life and you are making decisions, you want to start noticing, retrospectively, that the decision you made was because of the unconscious pattern you had in your mind.
The next step is to start noticing it in less and less time. And this cannot be forced. You cannot force yourself to be aware of something. However you can keep exercising the muscle of spotting the pattern play out consciously.
So - reflect, look back… every couple of days or so, and identify where your repeating pattern or repeating narrative was playing out.
What you’ll find is, the lag between identifying and deciding will decrease over time.
Eventually you will find there will be minutes in-between you deciding or acting a certain way, and you spotting the pattern play out.
It then becomes real time. You can spot yourself doing something which is not serving you and you nip it in the bud. You are able to self regulate. You are able to keep your mind in check - in real time.
This then means you can start pre-empting a pattern play out. This is where we have even more control over our mind.
We know we are going somewhere which will trigger a behaviour which we can put tools in place to not happen.
Eventually, it is no longer a trigger and you are on auto-pilot making new decisions which are much more in alignment to you.
This is why the process needs to happen in new places with new people. Because your current situation has many micro triggers which have unconscious actions attached to them.
Once you begin mastering this outside, it is then about bringing it back and trying to integrate the new you within your previous situations.
SO - for example, once you become well versed at setting boundaries with strangers and new friends, you will become a lot more comfortable about setting boundaries with family members because it becomes second nature. You dont have to think about it.
This is much easier than trying to set and experiment with setting boundaries with family.
A lot of this is to do with feeling safe.
Feeling safe to be yourself. Feeling accepted as yourself.
Feeling that it is safe to go against the narratives which have kept you alive for this long.
Inner trust is key to surrenderment and change - and therefore alignment.
One way I suggest to do this is through acts of self rebellion.
And these are small acts of self rebellion.
These are micro experiments you have to prove to your self that it is OK and safe to do something which your mind is telling you not to do.
For example, many of us feel under pressure to get things done. I, myself, have had this feeling for years. To get things done, move quickly, do more more more.
I became suspicious about this narrative after learning about my human design. My human design gave me the specific permission to slow down.
Hearing that permission was freeing.
However - hearing it wasn’t enough.
My mind still had many objections.
My mind still said “but if you don’t reply quickly, your friends will disappear or the job opportunity will disappear or people won’t value you… etc”
So one of my acts of self rebellion was to pause before deciding or replying.
One of my acts was to feel that pressure but go for a 15 minute walk before sending the text reply.
Or to sleep on it for one evening before accepting or declining an opportunity over email.
These little acts of self rebellion proved slowly over time that it was safe. That I could move slower. That I could reply slower.
And the same goes for any other experiment of self rebellion.
This is when you know a particular behaviour or action is not serving you so you choose to interrupt that process in a “minute” way. Just in a very very small way.
You increase the amount you rebel as you move through.
This is how you build trust in your inner self. You allow yourself to do what feels natural for you in small ways.
To note here - it felt RIGHT for my body to slow down but it did not feel right for my mind.
And this is where the work is.
It is making the body align and the mind quieten.
SO - there’s been a lot in this one.
Here is what I want you to take away from this.
I want you to start noticing your inner narratives. I want you to start noticing how your mind is speaking to you.
I want you to become curious about that narrative. Is it really serving you? Is that belief causing you to burn out and loose yourself? Or is it making you feel truly aligned?
Ideally, you need to become acquainted with your true self - your unique self - and you’re not self - who you are not. This is how your mind talks to you.
And this is done in a Human Design Session. This is very personal than you. So book a session in if you are ready to learn about this.
I want you to become ok with where you are on your journey. It is not a race. It is not about aligning as quickly as you can.
I hope there were some tips in here about how to start giving yourself space to discover who you are. And then how to integrate that back in with people that you know.
I want you to remember there is an awakening period, an awareness and learning period, a deconditioning and unlearning period, and a realignment period… and none of these are linear. You are going to move throughout them all at any given time.
I want you to remember that just because something is uncomfortable, doesn’t mean it isn’t aligned. But you can feel if something is aligned to you when you look past the comfort. It has a different feel.
Release the expectations of what it SHOULD look like.
The last thing is there are ways to align. In human design, this is strategy and authority. This is what we experiment with.
This is learning how to make correct decisions as yourself.
This is invaluable and keeps you on track.
I hope this was helpful and listen to other videos or book a session with myself to learn and understand more about this information and yourself.
